in a weird place

yesterday our family packed it up and headed back to Johns Hopkins for my little man's next pre-op appointment.

more x-rays, {and i have a secret fear that he may literally glow by the time he is done with x-rays}
more blood work
more testing

i don't know how he feels about facing all of this....again.
is it common place to him?  is he afraid?

i'm not sure.

i'm also not sure how i feel about all of this.  it's strange.  it's weird to go to an appointment with a surgeon and talk about putting your child under for hours, opening him up and adding metal bars, tweaking and adjusting as if he were a car...at some point i felt like i was discussing an "upgrade" of some sort that could be special ordered.  only...i'm not.  this is my youngest son, and his body, and his life.  and the composure!  i have found some very odd detached space in myself where i live in the facade of calm expressions and politely answer questions and give little nods outwardly.  where i can endure the talk of what is to come without getting light-headed or panicky.  like i need to box up my boy's mommy and put her away for a few hours behind closed doors so that she can't melt down.  whew!  really, really strange.

and the difference for my son is plain.  the first surgery he had no idea what lay ahead for him.  we were able to talk about it with him often to try to "prepare" him.  this time he knows.  we aren't discussing it much.  i'm afraid that i'd just be reminding him of what is waiting for him.  it may feel like that heavy sense of dread when you know a punishment is coming your way (i.e.: wait til your father gets home...) but right now he is just in the dreadful waiting part.  things are becoming more real as we prepare now...our family is officially on "quarantine" as we try out best to keep all family members in perfect health leading up to his surgery.  mommy is forgetful and her brain isn't holding water.  mommy is forgetful and her brain isn't holding water. we are discussing what to bring, where we will stay the night before, how to best keep him occupied right up to the minute!

* aside--folks, we are not video game people at all.  therefore, our children (against their wishes) are not video game kids.  BUT.  we bought our boy a 3DS just for the waiting.  there is nothing like sitting with your child for hours in the pre-op area in a thin blue hospital gown with teddy bears on it and thick, non-slip socks and watching the anxiety and emotions play across him.  THIS is why we bought that handheld video game.  and it's the best money we ever spent:)

will you pray with me?

against complications and infection?
for doctor skill and wisdom? (my boy has a rare condition and this is sort of experimental treatment)
for peace? (for us parents, for him, for my other 2 children we will be leaving at home)
for a good outcome?


as for me, i am praying that i would be a faithful steward of what God has entrusted to me.  He has seen fit to  trust me with this child, with this experience, with some heart-wrenching, with trials of many kinds.  Oh, that i may be counted faithful in all of these things and that our little lives and experiences would bring Jesus glory and that His goodness would shine through our lives.

happy fabric day !

this is exactly what my dear sweet friend (who lives across the street) wished me today!

today was the day i was greatly anticipating a huge (for me!) fabric delivery from the big brown truck.  120 yards of beautiful prints!

in the past, i have anxiously looked out the window every 10 minutes all. day. long. waiting for him to pull up in front of my house and deliver fresh new bolts of uncut pristine fabric just waiting to be rolled around in  neatly stacked in my studio;)  only several times the truck didn't come by until after dinner, or worse still--one time the lovely fabric made it all the way to my hometown and the ups personnel scanned the wrong barcode and sent it back to south carolina (where it came from) instead of putting it on the truck that would have stopped at my house.  very disappointing.  indeed.

today i was determined NOT to be so anxious and act like my children on christmas eve.  after all, anything could happen and it may not even arrive today.

the kids and i had a lovely day!  after lunch, i settled down on the sofa with my 3 yr. old littlie to read a few books and with quite a herculean effort managed to stay awake til the last sentence!  {nothing can make me sleepier than reading to my kids after lunch...it calls for either an espresso or a nap, pronto!} my snuggly little girl and i decided to just cuddle and close our eyes for a second...

and then my 10 yr. old screams mommy! your fabric is here! the ups man is bringing up a huge box!

naturally i was immediately refreshed and hopped up so quickly that i almost deposited my little girl right on the floor!

i am impressed, mr. brown truck delivery guy!  thank you for being so early on a fabric day:)

i called my friend to come take a look at the yards of new textile lovliness, and she commented on each one and wished me a happy fabric day! although, she did wonder if i had projects in mind for some of these prints...??

nope.  i buy what i like and think about what to make with it after it arrives and lastly consider if it is anyone else's taste and would even sell in my fabric shop:)  a little backwards, i know, but there it is.

and now....the fabrics....

sinister swarm in flour {these are moths!}

sundials in happy

cell structure in americana

migratory lace in seaweed

field study coordinate in saffron {so cool with the arrows}

mind's eye in tambourine

fine feathered in whisper {really, how lovely is this?}

specimen in struck {huge and awesome print!}

now i just have to discipline myself to finish all of the work on my plate (4 custom orders this week) before i cut into this!  that kind of stinks, but it does make for excellent work motivation:)

Thoughts

things on my mind...

i need to finish choosing homeschool curriculum for the boys as they move into 5th and 3rd

i can't wait to order new fabric for my shop!

i really want to babysit for my sister {who has a 5 yr. old wild boy and 10 wk old twin girls}, i'm certain she needs a date

i have an ottoman i re-inherited from my mother and i really want to sew a new cover for it.

i need to pray and be prayed for...our son is undergoing more invasive surgery in less than a month

i want to gather up good stuff to deliver to the children at johns hopkins

my summer bible study i've been hosting only has 2 more sessions left and i want to plan the next one

my dear friends husband has suffered a major heart attack and is waiting to hear if he could be a candidate for a transplant.

i was too unmotivated today {lazy} and now tomorrow's plate is full, full, full

perhaps the reason my one of my favorite hymns is "I Need Thee Every Hour" is because it is so true.

fabric sale

Sale!

head on over to my online fabric store to get some yardage on sale:)

i'm making room for brand-new beauties that will be arriving soon!

i'm also a little bit bored with left-overs from my handmade shop, so look for some deep discounts on those coming soon!

hope your summer is being fabulous to you & yours!