clean house, clean start

many people have new year's resolutions.  i think that's fabulous.  just not for me.

if i make a laundry list of resolutions for the year ahead, i feel pressure.  the list always morphs into unattainable wish lists that don't factor in life.  my list doesn't account for the unknown...

last year i didn't make a formal list, but i definitely had some things i thought i wanted to focus on.  all of these goals centered around me.  i want to exercise more, cultivate better eating habits, be more organized, etc.  i thought this made sense, since it has been my experience that the only person i can change is me.

little did i know, that the year wouldn't be about me at all.

just 30 days into the new year, we were told to prepare our 6 (almost 7 yr old) for major surgery that we didn't even understand.  our standard answer for all surgery related questions seemed to be "we don't know".  our little guy ended up going through 2 huge surgeries last year, in march and again in november.

our family held together in ways that i can't describe.

roles were reversed as younger siblings took care of older ones.
i am at heart a giver, but i had to learn to be a reciever. over and over again.

when you are in crisis mode, all of the meaningless is blown away like chaff and we are focused clearly on what is most important.

see how off my focus could have been if i'd tried to keep focus on my insignifigant "goals" i thought i wanted to achieve?

this year, i am not setting any goals.

none. not at all. ok, maybe just a few {wink}

there will always be things i want to have or do, or do better.  but.  so much of how i live my life is not about me.  it may seem an oxymoron, but our lives are not about us!!

however...

i am finding great ridiculous amounts of joy in cleaning out my house.

there was i time when i would have cried and pouted about having to clean my room, but yesterday i was stupidly happy about even having the opportunity to do so:)

also, i am overjoyed to be in a new bible study on the book of James.  he is one of my all-time favorites.  he doesn't sugar coat or mince words.  he just says it.  love that.  and lovin' this study.

i am starting this year with a clean house and a cleaned up, hugely edited version of a new year's list...

and this year, i don't even know if me, myself, or i is even on the list.